First of all, I wanna thank Netflix for creating this series and our Garage executive editor September for letting me know about the existence of this “trophy-worthy” series. I’m emphasizing the word “trophy,” because it is the murder weapon used to kill one of the students. Shocked already? No, you shouldn’t be, because that’s part of Netflix’s description of the series. By the way, I’m dropping minor spoilers (I won’t tell you who the killer is, promise), so if you plan to watch this series without any clue, you can leave now and come back later to see if we share the same sentiments. But if you can handle a little foreshadowing, let me proceed.
Netflix’s Elite basically revolves around students from different kinds of upbringing, from the elites (of course) and the working class, who become involved with one another’s business while in university. And everything goes nuts.
Riverdale‘s dark touch is almost soft core compared to Elite‘s drama; this show is probably more comparable to Sense8, minus the superpowers. The series tackles family, culture, society, gender issues, sex, lies, disease, sex, crime, nudity, drugs, and oh, did I mention sex?
That’s why we’re playing FMK with the Elite cast, except we’ll change it to SMK as in “Sleep with, Marry, Kill,” because I feel we need to talk like elites here. (If you’re looking for a more traditional review of the show, you can Google that somewhere else.) But before we start playing, I’m giving mini-awards to certain characters. Let’s go with the special awards first.
Christian: Most likely to take you on an adventure. He’s spontaneous, easy-going, and funny, probably the one you’re looking for as a buddy. Question is, what kind of buddy? With a body like that though, think of the fun you can have with him. Bonus point: He’s everything his name does not stand for. LOL.
Ander: Best candidate for a makeover. It’s probably the tennis and the drugs that are making him look haggard, but a little fairy dust would help Ander shine the way he deserves. Maybe take him to a salon and introduce him to a hairstylist in return for a tennis class and a can of beer?
Nadia: Best to pair with for group projects. She’s the classmate whose homework is always ready and whose grades always qualify her for the dean’s list, but I’m not sure if she’d my first choice for a best friend. If you’re already quite the introvert, joining forces with Nadia outside the classroom might kill you with boredom.
Guzman: Most likely to be a marshmallow on the inside. At first, he’s your typical spoiled athlete who’s a big dude around campus, but he’s more than just that. He may seem arrogant and rude, but that’s only because he’s protective of his loved ones. He’s also very prone to going around shirtless so…
Polo : The most reliable one. From handling riots to keeping a family together, this preppy kid sure knows how to keep the ties strong among his tribe. But while he seems to be all prim and proper, you just know that deep inside, he knows how to go wild.
Lu: The best back-up in a fight. Don’t be fooled by her Chanel bags and Bambi lashes; Lu is tough. She knows how to compete for what she thinks she deserves, and those claws will leave even Catwoman intimidated.
Nano: Most likely to get into trouble. Yes, he’s done some bad things, but Nano did them for the sake of his family. His intentions are always good, but somehow, he keeps finding himself in deep sh*t. He’s actually the one to call if you wanna get back at anyone with a prank, because he’d be game.
Omar: Most likely to get into a dance battle. I give him this award only because he reminds me too much of Mark Herras LOL. Kidding aside, if you have strict parents, you can definitely relate to this rebel kid and his secret romance with someone whom I already mentioned above.
Marina: The girl next door. Rich, pretty, brainy…so what’s wrong with her? You know a Marina in your life, that perfect girl who seems to have the perfect life—until you get to know her and find out the kinds of medication she takes.
Samuel: The most unlikely guy you’d meet in real life. See, he works hard, he takes his studies seriously, he loves his family, he loves unconditionally. So he can’t be real.
Carla: The object of your envy. Okay, she’s getting it on with two other students in class and she’s having so much fun that I feel I missed out a lot when I was still a student. Actually, all of them makes me feel that way; I never thought a classroom could be a setting for an orgy. Anyway, Carla is more than just a pretty face. She has a wild heart and a special set of skills. Watch out for her.
And now, Sleep with, Marry, Kill.
SLEEP WITH: CARLA AND CHRISTIAN
Gif via Giphy.com
Imagine getting in trouble with these faces. Imagine the fun! And the trouble is worth it when you know you’ll be the filling in a Carla-and-Christian sandwich later.
MARRY: GUZMAN AND LU
You’ll learn to love them after a while. It won’t be a case of settling, though, because not only will they grow on you, you’ll also realize early on that with them, you’ll never have to worry about getting your genes mixed with questionable ones and keeping a roof over your head. And with marriage, stability and longevity are the name of the game.
KILL: SAMUEL AND MARINA
Yes, they are two of the main cast members, but hear me out. I’m killing them for different reasons. Samuel has to die, not because he deserves to, but because I don’t want get involved with him. He’s too much of a goodie-goodie! As for Marina, it’s because she tends to meddle with everyone’s lives. As Janis Ian would put it, she’s a life-ruiner. She ruins people’s lives!
So do you agree with my choices? Well, you have the whole long weekend to find out. I’m pretty sure you’ll get into Elite too, and there’s good news because it has already been renewed for Season 2. Let’s play this game again next year, aight?
Stream Elite from Netlix. Images from the Netflix website.